I was constantly in a bad mood for like a couple of days already. Why? Because my kids are making me crazy. They are so difficult to wake up in the morning and when they do they sit at the breakfast table staring at nothing even though you are ruining your vocal chords with all the screaming to hurry them up. When they get done eating they will fight as to who gets to shower first and when they are at the shower they spend so much of their time playing with the bubbles and suds the soap is making oblivious of the precious thing called TIME.
Everyday, when they leave for school, I will sit down and enjoy the first thirty minutes of my day alone and listen to its silence. When my thirty minutes or less is finished, I know I am ready to face the day and go on with my daily routine doing chores and stuff. Everyday seems to be a ground hog day.
I am trying my best to be the worry free and stress free stay-at-home mom. As much as possible, I avoid getting pissed and irritable with all the mess, the fighting, the tantrums and stuff because I don’t want to be a monster mom. I keep in mind that I will never fail to reward them with little things for their achievements and good behavior so they will be motivated. I will be firm on decisions but at times they end up hating me for the rest of the day…a day?..okay..an hour!(though they didn’t mean it seriously). When you tell them things that is correct and proper in contrast to what they want,they argue. When I show them they are making me upset and starts to really get mad, they will only stare and snickered. But, because I am a mother, I will breathe, close my eyes, count to ten and go own with the day.
When they get back from school, no matter how frustrated I am at them earlier in the morning, I would still run to meet them with open arms and big smile. I feel great the moment I see them running towards me with their back packs and lunch bags and when I feel their arms around my neck hugging me tight, I am relieved that they are home safe. I get excited hearing their stories on how their day went at school and as I feel them snuggle close to me with their sleepy eyes at night, it would always make me smile. I am their mother. I am their “person”.
This morning as they were on their way out for school, My son ran back and kissed me goodbye. The I heard him whisper, “see you later Ma!”. Watching his back as he walk away, I told myself, no matter how they get me pissed, they are just kids and it’s their job to annoy their mother in any possible chance they can get and I will still end up rolling my eyes over their act of simply being kids. When I see them leaving my sight to go to school, I can’t help but wish that they don’t have to, because I want them where I can always come to them when they get hurt or help then understand lessons that they have difficulty understanding. Why? Because I do not want this period of time that will always look up to me for everything to end. Deep inside, I am scared that the more they become independent, the less they need me. I always thought that a romantic heartbreak is the most devastating heartache in the world but then I became a mother and I started to think otherwise, I don’t think the same the way I did before because now, I considered a child’s pain is the most devastating heartache a mother can ever have.