My thoughts on an issue I cannot avoid thinking about. Take note , opinions such as this are not meant to describe the subject in general but refers to the majority for emphasis. Knowing that this is happening to most middle-lower class couples(could be happening so some well-off couples too) in Philippine situation thus I admit, the term husband in this post refers to Filipino Men.
I heard from the news today that 3 out of 4 women were victims of domestic violence . According to the social welfare that handles the cases , these women were only among the 10 percent of the total number of women who have the courage to speak up and reported the incidents.
When asked what made them to stay living with the violent husbands, their answers were;
1. They have children to raise.
2. Women victims of domestic violence are mostly unemployed and depended on their husbands for day to day support.(duh..as if the actors are making that much??)
3. Fear of being traced and followed and would get even more hurt for even trying to leave.
4. Social embarrassment.
5. Love????????????? (huh? do you recognize the word if you have a black-eye?)
When asked what could be the reason for couples to fight that would end for these women beaten up, their answers were:
1. Financial Problems on typical scenarios like : Stay-at-home wife reminds the husband for due payments on utility bills such as; Electricity , Water Bill , Telephone Bill , House Rent/mortgage ; Children’s tuition fees. Husband will give money if not the exact amount, its not enough to cover the dues. Wife then would remind husband of more important budget issues that desperately need attention such as baby’s milk, baby’s immunizations that are not covered by the government health centers , medication for kids that are sick , empty rice keeper , another reminder from the landlady on house rent collection and…… food. Made the husband angry hit or beat the wife, left the house and gets drunk.
2. Nagging and Confrontations: Husband came home late or drunk then wife starts to ask and argue. Husband came home late from hanging out with friends because there is nothing fun to do at home with kids and husband needs to unwind. Husband came home, in a bad mood because he lost a bet gambling. Husband insists on staying home with parents and husband’s mother made life for the wife miserable as hell. Husband complains about not having good food on the table and wife nags back about there is nothing good enough to cook in the fridge anyway. Made the husband angry hit or beat his wife, left the house and gets drunk.
3. Third Party involvement in any way possible. Third party can be an ex-girlfriend, text mate , chat mate , officemate , neighbor , common friend , call girl , stripper , hooker or simply even an acquaintance.
I had been in a rough marital situation. Who hasn’t? Well, lucky you! I got away from it proud and intact. I’m thankful I never got beaten up , maybe because I never nag , I don’t ask , I don’t raise my voice and most of all I have a job and I am earning! I admit , It took me a year and a half , an overseas job to overcome financial debts and found myself stable enough to get thru day to day needs raising two children.
A week ago I was able to talk to not just one but two friends who were fighting over the same situation, except that they are not domestic violence victims. Theirs are mostly financial issues. Both stop working because no one will be left with the kids . Both were professionals and were previously earning good salaries. Due to their husbands’ request , they were asked to quit their job and kissed their careers goodbye. For them , the husbands can’t live a life to stay at home and watch kids knowing that wives are earning. For them , closing their eyes and agreeing with the decision, is better than constant fighting and making up over some bruised male ego. Friend-A used up her service pay to finance her husband’s plan on some business and a networking contribution because according to the husband they will be financially stable in no time. Friend B , quit her job , decided to stay home with the kids , put up a little sari-sari store in front of their house(which she acquired via PAG-IBIG housing when she was still single.) using a part of her service pay as capital and used the remaining part of her money to finance husband’s vocational training to make him qualify for an in-demand job abroad. To make the stories short , Both husbands’ plans never worked out . Both husbands remain jobless. Both wives tried to make ends meet with all the budgeting skills to the best they can . Loan payments piled up and kids get sick and still endless fighting. Shaky marital relationships are pretty common scenario lately. Where ever I go , I never fail to hear bits and pieces of stories like this.
Some may agree or not, but women now days are more responsible than men . Hearing stories from women who experience a likely similar situation I have mentioned , one will agree too that wives have more initiative than husbands, in fact more wives are mature for the reason that having a family , one has to mature to be able to cope because it is just what it is supposed to be . But then, men in these situation seems to refuse being responsible. They act like they were still teenagers ,that hanging out with their friends doing senseless stuff will help them get away from reality. Grow up Dude!, You’re not a kid anymore, in fact you already have one.. or two or maybe even more than you declare . No wonder most of the successful single ladies of this generation prefer to have children than getting married . No smart woman will pick up a rock and break her head with it not unless the man is really worth picking up a rock.
Domestic Violence is cruel. Psychological Studies showed that domestic violence on women were the ugly results of grown up who failed to grow up mentally. Men who can’t handle failure and refuse to accept responsibilities and obligations like a grown-up man. Men who have unresolved issues from years back. Men who are insecure and incapable to handle tight situations (but are experts on “the”other “tight” situations ?).
To my male readers , I apologize if I may somehow hit a sore spot writing this post . But , if you’re not the kind of leading actor I am talking about then there is no reason to be offended.
To my female readers , may you be single , committed , engaged , divorced , annulled , heartbroken from a recent break-up , in a relationship / complicated relationship or married, What are your points of view to most of our men now-a-days?